Love and motherhood

WHEN you hear the age fifteen or eighteen, what comes into your mind? For me, it’s going to school, playing with other teenagers, having crushes on the opposite sex, discovering the sports you love and more.

But not for the girl I met few weeks ago.

She was carrying a more than one-year-old baby (who looks like just few months old) on her right hand, while her left hand holds a stick of fish balls. She asked for a glass of cold buko juice when I arrived. I ordered the same. Before I finished my cup, I couldn’t help but asked:

“Kaano-ano mo yang bata?”

Without hesitation, she said, “Anak ko po ‘te.”

“Ilang taon ka na ba?”

“18 ‘te,” she smiled.

“Whaaat? So, 17 ka nung nagbuntis?”

“Dili ‘te. 15 lang ko ‘te.”

I was speechless. My mind immediately ran back to when I was 15. I was only third year high school then. During those times, I was so busy with my extra curricular activities at school that you can’t find me at home even on weekends. I didn’t know homemaking more so child rearing. Neither could I imagine myself doing it at that age. But now, here I am face to face with a teenager who is the sole source of life of a very delicate being: her baby.

I didn’t notice that the girl and the baby left already until the fishball vendor interrupted my wandering mind.

“Ay mao na ang mga bata na gahi og ulo, Ma’am. Di man gud na siya magpatuo sa iyang Papa. Diri man na sa Park nagdako. Kada adlaw ginapangita og ginasundo gyud na sya sa iyang amahan para lang mo uli sa balay o mo eskwela pero gusto gyud niya maglaag laag lang. Mao na nabuntis na nuon siya (She’s a stubborn girl, ma’am. She doesn’t listen to her father. She grew up here at the park. Everyday his father would look for him here and force him to come home or to go to school, but she prefers hanging out, and so she got pregnant).”

“Asa naman ang amahan sa iyang anak te (Where’s the child’s father)?”

“Na,wala pud trabaho. Pareho silang mga bata pa (He’s also jobless. They’re both kids).”

Silence.

I heard a lot of teenage pregnancy stories before. But it’s my first time to hear of someone get pregnant at fifteen! It’s hard to believe but true. It’s there and it’s happening.

Just like the marital problems that beset our society now. In my years of listening, learning and sharing views on marriage, it’s the first time that I heard a husband share how disappointed he is with his wife and the misunderstandings they have had.

“Di po siya marunong maglaba, Ma’am. Tapos yung plato nakatambak lang sa kusina. Yung sahig walang linis. Eh nasa bahay lang naman sya nakahiga o nanonood ng TV buong araw.”

“Baka naman kailangan mo lang tanggapin na ganyan talaga ang asawa mo?”

“Okay lang naman ‘yun ma’am kung sana di dumating sa point na nangangamoy na ang bahay namin at nagkakasakit na ang anak namin dahil sa maruming paligid.”

As far as I know, this man is faithful and a responsible husband and father. He works hard for his family and even requested for a work assignment near them. He said he just wanted his wife to understand his job and exert a little effort like keeping the house clean and tidy or maybe do the laundry, instead of nagging him everyday and being suspicious of his activities.

One time, they went on a vacation but this was spoiled when he saw in his wife’s phone a message from one of her friends that said, “Magpa annul na kayo ng asawa mo. Lagi naman kayong nag-aaway eh. Magulat na lang sya wala ka na sa buhay nya.”

He was devastated. He never expected his wife has a friend whom instead of helping them reconcile, even suggests annulment.

Separation for me is not a solution (unless if you are a battered wife or husband) but an additional problem. In the first place, when they entered the marriage covenant, they promised God to be together through good or bad. It so happened that this is one of the bad times. But eventually, it will subside and things will be better again.

I didn’t know if he heard me. And I’m not sure if he saw my point. What matters is for them to look and listen to that tender voice in the deepest side of their hearts where love resides. After all, love was the reason why they got married. For sure love will bring them back together.

And about that teenage girl, may she find her purpose and meaning with her new role now as a mother. Because like love, motherhood transcends everything.