Is love and marriage forever?

Why does marriage fail and Woman dominate over Man?

Romans 5:12 says that sin entered through one man. This ‘man’ mentioned in the bible is not a general term referring to mankind but specifically to a particular man. Sin entered through one man and that is Adam. God made Adam the head over all things in the Garden of Eden as we look back at the bible in Genesis 2. Adam was also given the responsibility of works and Adam was commanded not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. All things were perfect and beautiful until sin entered the world through Adam. This explains why things do not go well with businesses, family relationships, careers and even within the nations. Sin has stained everything that God created which was originally beautiful and perfect.

As the head, Adam has a responsibility and authority over Eve. But he failed in that as a husband to protect and to guide her. When we read further in Genesis 3:6, Adam was with Eve when she was tempted by the devil to take and eat of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He heard and saw the devil tempted her but he did not stop her. When Eve ate of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, sin has not entered the world yet as far as God is concerned. Reason being, Adam has not sinned yet. He has not eaten of the fruit. He is the head and authority that God has placed over the Garden of Eden and Eve.

1 Timothy 2:13-14 tells us why God held Adam accountable. Adam was formed first before Eve. He was given the revelation by God that when he ate of the fruit, he would die. Adam knew the consequences of eating the fruit. He knew that what the serpent told Eve were lies. Yet in knowing all these, Adam did nothing to neither protect his wife from the devil nor stop her from taking the fruit. As husbands, if we do not cover and protect our wives, they will fall away and try to fight for their own rights and survival. They will fight for themselves.

Example of Tamar in the Bible who Fights for her Rights

Let take a look at Judah, his sons and his daughter-in-law. Genesis 38 tells us of Judah taking a wife for himself and they had three sons – Er, Onan and Shelah. Judah also took a wife for his first son, Er, called Tamar. But Er was a wicked man and the Bible tells us that God killed him. In the Jewish tradition, if the wife of the first son does not bear him any children, the second son in the line is to marry her. And the first child born in the second marriage will bear the name of the elder brother and to carry on his line. In Latin, this is called “Levirate Marriage” where “Levir” means husband’s brother.

When Er was killed by God, Judah asked Onan to marry Tamar in order to carry on the line of Er. Onan knew all these and he knew that the family inheritance will go to his brother’s child. He did not obey Judah’s instruction. He wanted sexual pleasure with Tarmar yet didn’t want to give her any baby. He wanted the family inheritance totally for himself as well. God was displeased with Onan’s actions. Onan was killed by God, too. The next son left in line is Shelah. Shelad was too young then to marry Tamar. Judah, after lost two sons, became fearful that Tamar was a jinx. So, he sent her away to her father’s house and promised her that Shelah would marry her when he came of age. But Judah didn’t plan to fulfil his words (Genesis 38:11).

Maturity doesn’t come with age, it comes with the acceptance of responsibility. Judah, being an old man, was totally irresponsible. Tamar waited for Judah to fulfil his words. She saw Shelah grew up and yet was not given to her. When the husband does not give to the wife what she wants that is rightfully hers, she will go and get it her way. Genesis 38:13-14 tells us that Tamar decided to take matter into her own hands. She took off her widow’s garments, covered herself and dressed up like a harlot. She placed herself on the road to Timnah. Timnah, in those days, were equivalent to the modern day Las Vegas, a place where men go to find pleasure for themselves with prostitutes.

Here was Tamar, a woman from a good family background and an obedient woman, was willing to offer her body immorally as a prostitute. What caused her to degrade herself? The reason was given in Genesis 38:14. What was due to Tamar as promised, was not given to her. When a husband does not fulfil his marriage vow to his wife, she will go her own way to meet her needs that her husband does not give her.

Judah, on his way to Timnah, saw the veiled Tamar. He thought she was a harlot. Judah wanted to have sex with her. This was a woman of great virtue and integrity, yet she reduced herself to prostitution to get what she deserved, because of three men who failed her. Tamar knew that Judah was not going to keep his word so she asked for a pledge until he sent his payment. Here, Tamar resorted to manipulation. Judah, like all men, was living for the passion of the moment. He gave his signet, cord and staff that represented him and authority to a “prostitute” in return for a moment of pleasure. God in his sovereign plan has a far greater plan than family life for in the lineage of Judah came Jesus. In Tamar’s change of behaviour, we saw how women can become cunning and manipulative as a result of men who failed them.

The greatest ironic of the entire story in Genesis 38 is we saw Judah keeping his promise to a prostitute instead of to his own family member, his daughter-in-law. The same situation happens today. We saw men who do not provide for their wives and family but they were willing to throw away their money to their mistresses and lovers. Subsequently, Judah received news that his daughter-in-law was immoral and became pregnant. Judah became angry and wanted to burn her alive as a punishment.

Tamar asked her father-in-law to find the man whom the pledge belonged to and found the culprit responsible for her pregnancy. Could you imagine how shock everyone was in the room when they saw the signet, cord and staff? Judah, having saw the pledged items, began to realise the reason behind Tamar’s actions. Genesis 28:26 tells us that Judah realised his failure to keep his promise and decided to take responsibility for his actions.

Conclusion

God has a far greater plan despite our failures. Years later, Jesus came through the line of Judah. The most important point in the story is that Judah repented. He did what Tamar wanted of him, and that is to be responsible. Tamar didn’t expect her man to be perfect but to be responsible to their words and to fulfil their duties. As husbands, we have a duty to God and our wives, to fulfil our marriage vows to love, protect and provide for them. Women, today become dominating, demanding, and marriage fails, when men fail to take up their responsibility and role as a man, husband and head of the family. You may be a male by birth but you can choose to be a man by choice!

wishing a happier home life!

A whole new world..

THIS is it. They say that the easiest part of child rearing is the first year. The rest is an adventure of a lifetime that sometimes puts you on a roller coaster ride.

Post here your Valentine’s Day greetings

After being so busy with my new business for weeks, finally I found time to be with my child and did nothing but play. One of his favorite games was peek-a-boo. Well, that was before. Now, he discovered something new.

First, he learned one of the basics of acrobats: split and “tumbling”. At one year and nine months, he can do it perfectly, almost like a gymnast at the Olympics. I wonder where he learned these tricks. I can’t remember letting him watch an acrobatic performance on tv nor I have been watching any when I was pregnant with him. Oh well, natural talent perhaps?

Second, he wanted me to participate in his newfound game by doing the same thing: “tumbling”. The first few “show” I did was fine but when he had to cry and beg me to do it every time he does it, that’s another story. I’m not the same lass 10 or 15 years ago who bravely competed even with boys in the neighborhood. I am a bit heavier now and my bones are not as good as before when I can still bend my body fully to reach for the tsinelas in a bending game. But maybe, I can still do it with a little more practice. Anyway, our tumbling session ended when I offered him his ‘dede’ before we went to sleep.

I thought his discovery was over. I was wrong. The next day, he discovered something new: climbing on top of a box. It’s not so high though and it is located beside the dresser. He would go up and hold either his stuff toy, a broom (which was placed near the box), or any of his balls. He has seven kinds of ball with different sizes, textures and colors. If he is with a stuff toy, he would sit down on the box and embrace the toy like what I usually do to him. If he is with a broom, he would go down and broom the floor. If he holds a ball, he would try to shoot the ball to the ring, which is about a meter and a half away from the box. When he shoots it successfully, he would clap his hands and say, “Yehey!!”

As I looked at him doing all these, I realized he has grown up. He has widened his interest from a mere rattle and crib toys to more sophisticated games like identifying the right shapes and color and putting these in the correct hole. He has also learned to love books. This is one thing I missed when I was his age. I envy him as he learned how to recognize an airplane, ball, car, horse, boat, fish, telephone, dinosaur, pumpkins and other pictures on his books. At one time, he did it with sounds and actions.

“Horse. Tigidigtigidig!” He did it while stomping his feet, as if riding a horse.

“Car. Brrrommmbrommmm!”

And while he pointed out the picture of a telephone, he put his right hand on his ear and said, “Heyoww?”

His books are in a small bookshelf that is almost as tall as him. As he was walking around the room and looking for something to discover, he picked out all the books as he climbed up the shelf instead. Up there, he looked around to see what he could do next and picked out one book, and browsed through it like a nerd.

After few minutes, he discovered that the switch of the room light) was just within reach and so he switched it on and off and… That’s when I stopped him, I just might have to buy a new bulb sooner if keeps at it. Hehehe.

As I picked up his books and placed it on the shelf again, it dawned on me that I am in a new world now. The shelf that used to be filled with books of Fulghum, Bach, Kiyosaki and others are now replaced with “Ang Prinsipeng Ayaw Maligo”, “Ang pagong at ang Matsing”, “My First Bible”, “Story of Moses”, “Story of Jesus”, “Jonah and the Whale” and many other children’s books. Not only that. When I am so busy doing something on the computer, a little boy would sneak in and insist that he should be on my lap and he would want to press the keypads too. Sometimes, he would search for his Baby Einstein and Listen and Learn Videos and give it to me, as if telling me that he wants to view it. The helpless mother in me would of course stop everything I am doing and let him sit on the computer chair so he can view his educational videos.

Haaay.. It’s as if only yesterday when the world I knew was only between me and my husband. Now, an angel came and introduced us to a whole new world. It is a place where only love, joy and peace abide. And I’m glad I’m here.

Love and motherhood

WHEN you hear the age fifteen or eighteen, what comes into your mind? For me, it’s going to school, playing with other teenagers, having crushes on the opposite sex, discovering the sports you love and more.

But not for the girl I met few weeks ago.

She was carrying a more than one-year-old baby (who looks like just few months old) on her right hand, while her left hand holds a stick of fish balls. She asked for a glass of cold buko juice when I arrived. I ordered the same. Before I finished my cup, I couldn’t help but asked:

“Kaano-ano mo yang bata?”

Without hesitation, she said, “Anak ko po ‘te.”

“Ilang taon ka na ba?”

“18 ‘te,” she smiled.

“Whaaat? So, 17 ka nung nagbuntis?”

“Dili ‘te. 15 lang ko ‘te.”

I was speechless. My mind immediately ran back to when I was 15. I was only third year high school then. During those times, I was so busy with my extra curricular activities at school that you can’t find me at home even on weekends. I didn’t know homemaking more so child rearing. Neither could I imagine myself doing it at that age. But now, here I am face to face with a teenager who is the sole source of life of a very delicate being: her baby.

I didn’t notice that the girl and the baby left already until the fishball vendor interrupted my wandering mind.

“Ay mao na ang mga bata na gahi og ulo, Ma’am. Di man gud na siya magpatuo sa iyang Papa. Diri man na sa Park nagdako. Kada adlaw ginapangita og ginasundo gyud na sya sa iyang amahan para lang mo uli sa balay o mo eskwela pero gusto gyud niya maglaag laag lang. Mao na nabuntis na nuon siya (She’s a stubborn girl, ma’am. She doesn’t listen to her father. She grew up here at the park. Everyday his father would look for him here and force him to come home or to go to school, but she prefers hanging out, and so she got pregnant).”

“Asa naman ang amahan sa iyang anak te (Where’s the child’s father)?”

“Na,wala pud trabaho. Pareho silang mga bata pa (He’s also jobless. They’re both kids).”

Silence.

I heard a lot of teenage pregnancy stories before. But it’s my first time to hear of someone get pregnant at fifteen! It’s hard to believe but true. It’s there and it’s happening.

Just like the marital problems that beset our society now. In my years of listening, learning and sharing views on marriage, it’s the first time that I heard a husband share how disappointed he is with his wife and the misunderstandings they have had.

“Di po siya marunong maglaba, Ma’am. Tapos yung plato nakatambak lang sa kusina. Yung sahig walang linis. Eh nasa bahay lang naman sya nakahiga o nanonood ng TV buong araw.”

“Baka naman kailangan mo lang tanggapin na ganyan talaga ang asawa mo?”

“Okay lang naman ‘yun ma’am kung sana di dumating sa point na nangangamoy na ang bahay namin at nagkakasakit na ang anak namin dahil sa maruming paligid.”

As far as I know, this man is faithful and a responsible husband and father. He works hard for his family and even requested for a work assignment near them. He said he just wanted his wife to understand his job and exert a little effort like keeping the house clean and tidy or maybe do the laundry, instead of nagging him everyday and being suspicious of his activities.

One time, they went on a vacation but this was spoiled when he saw in his wife’s phone a message from one of her friends that said, “Magpa annul na kayo ng asawa mo. Lagi naman kayong nag-aaway eh. Magulat na lang sya wala ka na sa buhay nya.”

He was devastated. He never expected his wife has a friend whom instead of helping them reconcile, even suggests annulment.

Separation for me is not a solution (unless if you are a battered wife or husband) but an additional problem. In the first place, when they entered the marriage covenant, they promised God to be together through good or bad. It so happened that this is one of the bad times. But eventually, it will subside and things will be better again.

I didn’t know if he heard me. And I’m not sure if he saw my point. What matters is for them to look and listen to that tender voice in the deepest side of their hearts where love resides. After all, love was the reason why they got married. For sure love will bring them back together.

And about that teenage girl, may she find her purpose and meaning with her new role now as a mother. Because like love, motherhood transcends everything.

share love to all!

My Dear Child,

Your new word today is:

Bible — BayBo! (nice one!!)

You uttered that word as I was about to open the bible and read our verse for the night, before going to bed. You point the bible and said BAYBO!

I love you dear…:)

You were also so sweet and attention seeker today hehehe. You held my hand while you seated beside me for lunch. You only wanted Mommy to feed you. Okay, that’s sweet.

Then at dinner, you seated on my lap and again, wanted me to feed you.

I wonder what was on your mind? I wish I could bring you anywhere I go. I hope you understand why I have to be away in order to earn extra cash and save it for your future.

Oh I went to the Clinic this morning, so I really can’t bring you there. I can’t bring the nanny too as she has to attend to other household chores.

Haay… few more patience son and we will reach our goals. Once we do, we can play and hug all you want. Promise! As of now, I hope you will understand that we are still building our business. All is well. All will be well..

I love you.

Mommy

know home life

Dear Family and Friends,

Its time everyone flies again!

Cebu Pacific brings back its PISO FARE with travel and purchase date March 17 to 27 only.

PAL also offers their P88 fare until the 27th of March 2008.

And if your travel is after the 27th? Don’t worry because…

Air Philippines P8 fare is from March 17 to 31, 2008!!
(Prices are exclusive of taxes and other charges)

So hurry, limited seats only. If you or you know someone who needs to travel on the above mentioned dates, just contact: lakaytravels@yahoo.com.

Thanks! Have a Great day!!